I'm lost and stupid without you.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
