u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
