You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
