Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Thank you for not boning my boss.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
