i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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