from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
