Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
