i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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