you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm like, not good at living.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
