She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
