You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
