i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
These tits shall not be calmed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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