I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
