don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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