How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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