Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
