did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
