I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
