U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
