he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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