Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
