I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
