great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
