Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
