That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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