I'm going to rape someone's good day.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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