Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
