You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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