drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
