The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
why does every cop we meet know your name?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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