Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize