I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
