Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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