What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
