i permit you to call me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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