I am puke
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
