ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
