I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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