I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it's like iHOP with fire
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
