my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
