So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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