My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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