My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
