How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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