i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
