ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
