I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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