Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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