Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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