ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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