I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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