i think i have herpe
just one?
zippers are such a cool invention
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
