I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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