Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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