I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
