I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
