How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
