Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
