I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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