If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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