my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And then he peed in my hair
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
