So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
