just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
