Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
