I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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