I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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