is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am naked and annoyed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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