I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
