Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
