I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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